Food Groups

Today we go back to Kelsie, our American friend. Or rather our American friend's American friend. This gives us the opportunity to see interesting parallels between Susans on both sides of the Atlantic. Our Susan-watcher Emily relates to us...

"this morning she was eating a Pop Tart, and said she was proud of herself for having a vegetable in the morning. I looked at her meal and asked exactly what the vegetable was.

She identified them as the blueberry sprinkles on top."

A slow clap ripples across the internet. Well done Kelsie.

Meaty

Today's entry comes from a reader who calls himself Happy Phantom. Upon reading about my conversation with Susan about sweet potatoes (http://stupidcolleague.blogspot.com/2006/07/hot-potatoes_23.html), Mr Phantom was inspired to tell me about a near-Susan experience he had whilst he and his brother were talking to a pub landlord. Yes I know this story can be found as a comment on the above story but it deserves an audience. This specimen has that great hallmark of Susan-ness (would it be Susan-ness, I tried to think of an appropriate word but the only other one I could come up with was Susansarandon)- that confident belief in the obviously wrong.

"Landlord: Do you know what the biggest carnivore in the world is?

My brother: (thinks) Er... Killer Whale?

Landlord: I said biggest land carnivore.

My Brother: No, you didn't. But... Polar bear?

Landlord: No, they're not true carnivores. They eat... lichen, and stuff.

My Brother: (beginning to suspect something is wrong) Uhm, ok... You tell me, then.

Landlord: (triumphant) It's a badger.

My Brother: .....

Turns out, it was the right answer, but to the wrong question. He'd once been quizzed upon the largest carnivore native to the British Isles."

American Idiot

This latest entry to our files comes courtesy an Emily from the US (or someone who likes to use the name Emily in their email address- I wouldn't know why, you'd have to ask Emily. Or Angel.Or Dave whatever her real name may be). She has a friend, Kelsie is her name. Kelsie is from Texas and, according to Emily, "wants to be a pharmacist because she thinks it's something to do with farming". I'm also told that the fact that she's from Texas should have some cultural significance that our American readers may enjoy. Perhaps they're laughing right now. Possibly while discussing which jock they will take to the prom. While eating a Twinkie. Weirdly it doesn't matter how many parts of America I go to- I still seem to have gathered all of my knowledge of the place from a John Hughes 'movie'. Sorry for reducing you to national stereotypes but if it's any consolation I do look a little bit like Hugh Grant, would be too nervous to use a chat-up line, and say 'sorry' compulsively. And I have shit teeth.

*composes himself*

Anyway. From the amount of stories I have been sent, Kelsie may well rival the original Susan for sheer commitment to stupidity. It sounds like there's a consistency at work here but I guess time will tell. Two lovely examples this week- when Kelsie's teacher said he had to go get a flu shot, she asked him why he was at school if he had the flu. Although that pales next to when someone conversationally said to her that atomic bombs never would have existed if it wasn't for computers, and she asked "They make atomic bombs out of computers?".